If the System Worked, Parental Alienation Would Not be an Issue

Good parents become alienated from their children because another parent (or sometimes a third party, like CPS), targets the alienated parent in the hearts and minds of their children.  The results are devastating.  These children do not want anything to do with the targeted parent, except that in some cases, the alienation is so severe that the children want to hurt and destroy that parent.  Kids don't do that to a parent without help. 

And the targeting parent cannot do it alone either.  They may rely on extended family, a new boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, or even friends and neighbors to produce the outcomes they seek.  But the cannot accomplish their ends without the help of the court system as well.

We need to understand this.  Absent a court system that prevents or inhibits alienating behaviors, we have a court system that enables these behaviors.  Here's what I mean:

When a court makes a decision to award primary custody to one parent or the other, by default it vests extraordinary powers in the custodial parent.  The extra time that parent has with the children, the sense that the children's "home" is with the custodial parent, the major decisions about where they go to school, live, go to church, what they eat, watch on TV, wear as clothing, etc., all comes from the custodial parent's power over them. 

In varying degrees, these parents treat their homes as "superior" to the home environment of the other parent.  This has an affect on the children.  Often the effect is immaterial and not even noticeable in a child's mind and actions.  But when the custodial parent pushes the envelope, the child is pushed as well.  If that parent asserts a sense of superiority over the other parent, the child's sense of self is integrally connected to the parent's feelings and beliefs.  Psychologically, the child has nowhere to go except to feel a strong sense of alienation from, or rejection of the other parent. 

But if the custodial parent had never been empowered in this way at the outset, or even if the parent was held accountable for his or her actions once so empowered, none of this would be possible.  Yet in a gross failure to provide the kind of resolution of cases and controversies our court system was originally designed for, family law courts routinely  side with custodial parents, and even more so when alienating behaviors are present and obvious. 

I won't digress too far into the reasons why, but the combination of (1) courts validating their own earlier decisions (to award one parent custody in the first place), (2) a lack of willingness to do the hard work of considering real evidence from the bench rather than deferring to a status quo they created, and (3) keeping funding flowing into the system by maintaining the status quo, work together to create a very nasty vortex of poor decision making in family law systems on the whole. 

While it is only fair to note, there are many, many family law judges who strive and work to create real balance in the system - but they are far outnumbered by those who don't.

The result is that some of the worst behaviors existing in our society are perpetuated, and never brought to account.  Parental alienation hurts kids - every time it occurs.  It should not be tolerated in our family law system at any level - and yet it is.  But in truth, the tolerance of wanton alienation could be easily reversed, if only the courts themselves were held to account for honoring a parent's rights. 

The only means we really have for holding the courts to account is to appeal to other courts having the authority to require the proper application of due process in the family law courts themselves.  With due process, a noncustodial parent has the opportunity to be heard and to fairly adjudicate the problems he or she brings to the court's attention.  Rather than walking in a court room facing an overwhelming presumption that the best thing to do is just to leave things as they are, the courts should be forced to allow every litigant a fair opportunity to present credible evidence of alienation, or any behavior that hs the tendency to impede a parent-child relationship - period!

But until it is recognized that all standards of due process and all individual rights are recognized even in family law, alienation will continue to be empowered.  The only way we are going to change this is by forming together and filing class actions against those judges, agencies, and other "state actors" who are persistently violating the rights of individuals and permitting the most invidious behaviors to continue. 

In the civil rights battles of the 1950's and 60's, it was only by mass resort to the federal courts that the evils of racially motivated discrimination were brought to account.  In our era, it's no different.  We must act - in unison - with one voice if we are to prevail.

 

Comments

[Mary Cadei-Johnson]

Drew,
You should put up a link to Parental Alienation Hurts by Chrissy! The Juliette Gilbert Association too!

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